Dear JAPS and Laundrydoers:

Dear JAPS that have ALWAYS inhabited the condo next to mine, from the Jappy ZBT Guys, to the Jappy Roslyn Bitches:

FYI - The window to my bedroom, which is approximately three feet from the location where you are oddly compelled to sit and rasp into your cellphones as loudly as you can about your personal problems from your erectile dysfunction with the girl across the hall, to this evening's fight about how you spent $400.00 on a plane ticket and he's being a "fuckin' asshole"...I don't know whether you know, but that window is single-pane glass.

You might as well be pouring out your Audi and Beamer Convertible-driving 20-year-old hearts in my bedroom. Come on in. Have a glezeltei. You want to cry about something? Why not do it on your balcony where I'll be able to hear it? Want to fight about something? No more private place than a balcony facing an interior pool and courtyard. There, only about a hundred sets of ears will be privy to your small and boring personal problems.

Shut the fuck up. I'm calling Management tomorrow. Eleven o'Clock on a Wednesday night is NOT the time to give your neighbor a show. But then again, it's never a good time to give your neighbor a show. Have some fucking decorum. Have some fucking class. Go into your fucking room, turn on a fan, and have your fight there. I'm so, so, so exhausted by hearing you use the word, "Whatever," to get yourself out of rationalizing a thought.

Go inside. Fight inside like civilized people. Or at least make your fights worth listening to. Oh good. Now you're crying. That's gooooood. Cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Because you have to wake up at 8:00 tomorrow morning to go see him... Now it's getting interesting. Feel free to continue fighting...


Dear Person Below Me whose Laundry ALWAYS smells like Chicken Soup:

You're a dirty bitch. Why does your house always smell like boiled poultry? And why does your dryer dry DIRECTLY into mine?

I hate that. And I hate that you do laundry EVERY DAY and make my house smell like Chicken Soup. My house smells neutral. It doesn't really HAVE a smell. Except maybe paint. Or that poundcake I made. Or maybe the Chili I made. Regardless --

STOP MAKING MY HOUSE AND CLOTHING THAT I'VE LEFT IN THE DRYER SMELL LIKE SOUP!

Thank you.

Ball in a Cup.

Who needs Constant Electronic Video Stimulaton,
When there's Ball in a Cup!?!
Mexico's favorite toy for over three hundred and forty years!
Toss the ball! Catch it in the cup!
Dump it out of the cup, toss it, and then catch it in the cup again!
The ball is on a string, and attached to the cup, so there's no worry if you don't catch the ball in the cup.

And clean-up is as easy as catching a ball in a cup!

So why spend another day not catching a ball in a cup, when you could be catching a ball in a cup!?!

Ball in a Cup!
Ball in a Cup!
It's a Ball in a Cup!

Ball in a Cup!

Ball in a Cup!