I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Once reviled... and now I'm going to grow one.

There's really no way to sugarcoat what I'm about to say, so I'm just going to come out and say it:

I'm going to grow a mullet.

Let that sink in.

Now, okay, I'm not growing a MULLET-MULLET, not like a mullet where I have a crew-cut on top...with gross stringy hair in the back - I'm going more for a "hockey-mullet," which is really just an excuse to grow a head of bouncy, layered hair in the back. Last summer, when I got grotesquely fat, I grew out my hair (an unfortunate time all around...) and learned that yes, Virginia, the back of my hair will curl. Now that I'm rockin' this beard as a poke-in-the-eye to the Corporate Establishment in which I participate, Monday - Friday, 8:30 - 7:30, I figure, "Hell, why not go the whole hog and grow the Mullet-Beard combo?" It'll actually look good on me... I have good hair.

I actually decided "Mullet-Time" a while back, and had the nice moron at the Hair Cuttery begin the process of layering the back. Her work was for naught, and the back of my hair is straight as a pin... but I'm approaching a critical time in my mullet-growing. I either need to shit or get off the pot, because I've got to start sculpting my tresses, if I have any hope for the Mullet to be hitting its peak by Art Basel. Or, I just need to go back to my normal "messy" haircut.

Actually, I think despite my best-laid plans, the mullet is still going to be in its infancy during Basel, which is sort of a shame. Instead, I may have to compensate for the lack of hair Hipster aesthetic, by wearing skinny jeans and looking supremely bored allll-the-time. (As a side note, skinny jeans are unnnnnnncomfortable, and they look like I'm wearing tights. And also, where do people who wear skinny jeans keep their... ahem... junk?) Maybe I'll go to the gallery openings wearing a retarded pair of stupid glasses. Or maybe that'd be overkill. We'll see.

At the end of the day, though, I have an image of what I want in my head... It's below on the left. A little shorter on top, a little longer on the back...

Bienvenidos, Mullet.