I'm starting to miss Jews...

I've been thinking a little bit lately... the cultural makeup of the people that surround me right now is vastly different than it has been for the first 25 years of my life...

I have a Gentile Boyfriend;
I work in an entirely Cuban office...
I live in a de-Semitizing, Uber-Cubafying city...

I have plenty of Jewish friends, and yet, I rarely see them. The last time I hung out with a Jew was... mmm... two weekends ago, and that was at their weddings, so I didn't really get to hang out hang out with them...

Which is fine... except...

I sort of miss being around my people constantly. In Elementary, Middle and High School... Jews Everywhere. Hebrew School. Most of my friends were Jewish. Parents were Jewish, forced to go to Schul, kept kosher, the whole gonteh megilah. In college, I lived in the "Jewish Section" of Campus, most of my friends were Jewish, went to Hillel at least twice a month...

And it's familiar, and comforting, and normal. We talk with our hands, we get overly excited about things in conversation... Sound like we're yelling with annoyance when really we're showing care, concern or an observation...

I realized yesterday that I'm getting really removed from "my circle" when I spoke to a Jewish lawyer...not opposing counsel, but a seller's attorney... and I came away from the conversation feeling bad, like he was yelling at me...

And maybe he sort of was -- but he wasn't really. He was just saying that a 25 page long asset purchase and sale agreement was a bit of overkill for an all-cash transaction...but he was saying it with a cadence and with an inflection that a year ago wouldn't have phased me at all, but now, due to the absence of jostling with Jews on a daily basis, struck me as rude and offensive.

I guess part of it is homesickness... I guess part of it is a general frustration with the fact that I've settled into my rhythm of life, and it's not what I thought being an adult would be.... work 12 hours, come home too exhausted to do anything, watch TV and go to bed... I guess part of it is I'm sick and tired of working 12 hour days these last two weeks, and being completely stressed out, andI guess part of it is guilt that I haven't spoken to my Grandfather in probably a year, and I haven't spoken to my Grandmother in half a year... I guess part of it is I want to make more time to have some form of religion and Tradition in my life, and yet at the same time, I rebel against my office's curiosity at my religion... I'm getting really tired of them asking my perspective on things as "a Jew" or when a client makes some form of reference to something, pointing out that I'm a Jew... I don't know... I guess now is when I'd really like to have something familiar and oniony in my life - when I need some form of tradition or when I'd really like some sweet and sour meatballs and some kneidlach and holishkes and a beef knish, and I simply don't have time for it, nor do I have the sitzfleisch to fenegel a fressing. I don't belong to a temple (nor can I afford one) and I hate going to the UM Hillel, which always devolves into some Chabad nightmare where they divide the room men and women, and I end up dovening madly, pretending like I'm reading all the Hebrew on the pages when I'm really just staring at all the weirdos in the room...

Alright. Well, yet again, I'd love to finish this but I'm too fucking tired. So, suffice it to say, I miss the Jews, I miss Jewish tradition, and I think I'm getting disillusioned with being an adult. On the plus side, I'm seeing the King Tut Exhibit on Sat! :)