I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Uh-oh, What's Coke done now?

I made one of those bee-line Publix trips this evening to the Jetson's Publix. The kind where your scope of vision is narrow and fixed on your goal.

My goal was Pesadich food (for you non-Jews, that's food that's Kosher for Passover - unless you want a diatribe on dishes, move to the next Paragraph) I think the term "Pesadich" is Yiddish, and I think it means "Passover dish" and only recently did I learn it can also pertain to food - I used to think it meant "dishes" because in normal parlance (in my house, anyways,) there was Milchedich (Milcha-dicha), Milk plates and silverware and pots and pans..., Fleishedich (Flaysha dichah) Meat plates and silverware and pots and pans... and Pesadich (Pay-sa-dichah) which was also sub-divided into Milche and Fleisch. Yeah, we had more than four sets of dishes and pots and pans in the house (not counting the china) what of it? I got to eat trayf TV dinners with plastic silverware!)

For me, Pesadich is: Manischewitz Egg Matzah, Manischewitz Honey Cake Mix, Streit's Matzah Meal, Manischewitz Egg Kichel (three guesses as to which brand I grew up with?), Boston Fruit Gels, and yellow-capped Coke.

The yellow-capped Coke is Passover Coke, where they've washed out alllll the Coke line, and manufactured the Coke using sugar, instead of corn syrup. (Corn and corn products = a no-no at Passovertime.) I only drink regular Coke during Passover, because of the novelty of having real sugar in my Coke.

And that's what excites me these days.

I noticed something as I was buying my Coke - the Pesadich Pepsi had a sheet of paper taped up in front of it, proclaiming that the Orthodox Rabbinate declared this Pepsi FIT FOR PESACH! There was real Hebrew all over the paper and everything. It looked verrry official.

The Coke... signless.


I admit, the wrinkled Proclamation sort of made me want to buy the Pepsi instead (I like Pepsi better anyway but I only buy Coke, because... we just buy Coke, OKAY?) maybe because I thought it'd make me a better Jew or something. Or maybe I thought drinking the Pepsi would fortify me with the powers of the Chabad-Lubavitch... Maybe I hoped buying the Jew-ier soft drink would give me that extra Semitic oomph to make my mustache come in a little thicker. Who knows.

But then I took a step back, and I thought to myself, "Self, you came here to buy COKE, and COKE you shall buy, and you're not going to let a rumpled 81/2 by 11" piece of paper buck twenty eight years of FAMILY TRADITION."

And also, the Pepsi seemed untouched, whereas the Coke was nearly SOLD OUT.

So, obviously, I bought the Coke, to make sure I'd get some, and someone else WOULDN'T.

But I had a mini-Crisis right there in the front of Publix as a result of that sign.

What did you do, Coke, to piss off the Frum?

Why don't the Orthodox advocate buying YOUR product? How come Coke is relegated to us Reform and Conservative and Reconstructionist Jews, huh?

You stepped on someone's toes. And we all know what happens when you step on the toes of a Jew...

He goes to his Podiatrist.