Live n' Learn.

I'm having a party tomorrow night. It's an old-people themed party, where the attendees are forced strongly encouraged to dress like geriatric nursing home patients. There will be hard candies, and Jessica Tandy movies playing on the projector.

Where do I come up with this stuff?

No clue.

But I digress.

I'm one of those morons who always cleans before a party (I know, I know!) but that's just because my pad is so kicky, I want people to see it clean.

Tonight, I decided to stay in. And clean. Mainly to tackle the ever-expanding pile of paper on the counter by my front door.

I've spent the last hour picking through receipts, and Bed Bath & Beyond coupons, American Spirit Cigarette flyers (Sheesh, you sign up for two packs during Art Basel when you're desperate for a smoke at Heist, and you get mail for life...) and the rest of the accumulated detritus that has built-up in that small corner of my home since the last time I cleaned it out... I don't remember when.

The lesson I've learned. Are you ready?

I do not like to open bills.

There. I said it. Bills, bank statements, credit card correspondence. I won't open it. I flatly refuse. Oh, sure, I pay my bills. I just don't open them. I have two stacks, seven inches high apiece, of unopened bills. That I neither intend to throw away, nor do I intend to open...

The other lesson I'm learning is maybe, just maybe, I should take everyone up on their offers to send me e-bills and cut down on paper...

But, eh. I'll just keep collecting the unopened bills and storing them in my filing cabinet... I mean, if FPL is going to charge me for electricity, the least I can do is get my money's worth out of postage... right?