I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Celebrities that Bug Me Part II

3) Kirsten Dunst: You were so cute in Interview with the Vampire. One would have thought that with that movie, you at least would have had the two thousand dollars it took to get braces. I mean, we were like 12 and 13 at the time...prime braces time.

But ya didn't, did ya, Kirsten? Ya didn't. Now, every time we have to watch your pasty, spindly-legged characters gasp and swallow their way through any scenes, your bad acting is accentuated by crooked, gray teeth.

Hey - here's an idea - less with the red wine, more with the Invisalign, and let's try some Crest White Strips, kay? You're gross. You wear gross clothing, your hair is gross... Ugh. You're like a translucent cave lizzard with gnarly teeth. Cap those bitches! I'm sorry! But like... who keeps casting you!? Does anyone think you're hot? Or Good? The Brits must eat you up...

4) Jennifer Love Hewitt: In response to MM's comment... eh. I don't love her or hate her. Is she really that bad? I watched some movie the other day with her as a L.A. socialite (Is it bad that right now I can't figure out how to spell Los Angel*s?) with Joey Lawrence playing her gay friend. I thought the movie was mildly entertaining. Do we really hate her that much, Mer? Cuz if we do, I'll jump on board...

Two Celebrities that Bug the Shit out of Me.

1) Andie MacDowell (Or McDowell) (Or whatever.)

Why is she famous?! Yes, she has pretty hair. Beyond that, she is the WORST actress, EVER. Ugh. Sooooooooooo annoying. Whenever she's in something I always wonder who quit at the very last minute, making the Directors understudy in Andie MacDowell for the part. With her stupid tinge of a Southern accent that she never even tries to get rid of in ANY of her roles, even if it's totally alien to her character, like, say, if she was playing a Salem Witch, or Queen Victoria. Southern accents are good. They are not, however, when they NEVER GO AWAY IN YOUR ACTING. Also, I hate Andie MacDowell because of her propensity to over/underact everything. Groundhog Day was probably the only movie wherein she was tolerable, and even there, not so much.

Ms. MacDowell, you're the worst.

2) Neil Young.

Neil Young is so ugly to me, that I can't even listen to his high-pitched singing, because knowing its coming out of his ugly, ugly face makes me nauseous. Also, that tenor in which he sings is like nails on a chalk board to me. Neil Young, I wish I didn't know what you looked like so I could enjoy "Horse With No Name." Although, Philadelphia is a pretty song. And sad. And I guess I can put up with knowing that you're that ugly for the song from Philadelphia. But other than that, please always wear a bag over your head, so no one ever has to see you singing the good songs that you sing, wherein you ruin them with your ugliness.

Hey, Frances McDormand? Where the hell have you been? I love you. C'mon back.