It is with deepest regret:

It is with deepest regret that I inform you of the following:

My air conditioning died yesterday morning. I have isolated the problem, there's a freon leak bubbling out of some junction tube, and as such, there's no compression of freon happening.

It is with further regret that I inform you that the two a/c contractors I called this weekend, have NOT CALLED ME BACK.

And I have a sunburn. So... uh... I'd really like to have some a/c to um... take the heat off.

Meh.