You know what I hate?!

Toilet paper.

It's like there's no happy medium.

There's the fluffy kind, that shreds into dingleberries, and there's the thin-ply variety that's like using waxed paper, and completely unsatisfying.

But if you go back to the dingleberry kind, that also makes you feel sort of awful, because it shreds.

I think bidets are the way to go; as I don't have one, showering is usually my elected course of action.

And it takes up a lot of time... showering when I get home from work.

Why must we poo? Why can't we just hack up pellets like owls?!